TV or not TV

The winter is here and the chance for cabin fever grows for most.. Well, not so much for me as I hope to have enough writing projects to kill time productively. So far it's slow and the artificial holiday happiness is upon us. The lady who sold me stamps this morning treated me like I was her long-lost son. It just felt fake..It evened out as I went to the local A&P and the cashier was harsh and grumpy. At least it was honest but I think I felt better buying from the stamp lady.

So what I've tried to do is avoid the TV during these idle times. I don't watch TV news for many reasons I've already mentioned in prior posts - it's mainly the fake laughter usually betwixt the weather man/woman and sportscasters..Just watch any part of the Today show when they're out on the Plaza. The semi-newsy shows - talk shows - like the View are very difficult because they all talk at the same time UNLESS Baba Wawa is on the panel. She's like the principal monitoring the teacher. She has a lot of pull as she's been doing this since the invention of broadcasting and the others fear her. I think they'd even admit that..

There are lots of other talk shows, food shows, reality shows & re-runs.. I have to admit I like some of the old sitcoms - MASH, All in the Family, Raymond, Seinfeld. There are some new shows I like (not many).. I think the Office is great and makes me think of my 30 years in that wacky environment. Modern Family is pretty damn good too. I've been watching some old movies and remembering my parent's comments about those 40s era Busbey Berkely flicks..

There is one mystery show for me. 30 Rock is very popular and I must be one of the few people who don't like it.. There are many reasons but I am always surprised as I do try and watch it now and then. I think I am fairly hip (maybe NOT), but I just don't get that damn show.. Tracey Morgan is funny??? Tina Fey is funny?? Maybe she was funny on SNL. I like Alec Baldwin. His father was my 10th grade history teacher and at that time he (Mr Baldwin) looked a lot like Alec does now. Most people I know like this show so perhaps it IS me. I find the show is like an inside joke that I don't get. I don't like that feeling. Oh wait --- Operation Petticoat is on Turner Classic Movies. Gotta go..

Go Chiefs?

In the spirit of time killing, I have to disclose my options for today. I had some writing to do. I have the Beatles re-mastered complete box set (on loan) to listen to OR copy onto my HD. I can go to the gym and work off the 43 cookies I've eaten the last 3 days. I can do a couple of loads of laundry which requires almost no energy. Wait, the TV is on but as usual there's nothing watchable or interesting so I flip around. Cable now has everything including local sports channels. I've watched our local high school's football games which wasn't too bad.

I stopped on this local channel today to find MY high school alma mater - Massapequa - in a girl's volleyball contest with arch-rival (their words, not mine) Lindenhurst. I figured I'd watch for 3 minutes and turn off the TV and head for something more entertaining...Well, I stayed with it watching these kids diving and smashing all over the place. I can barely remember ever playing this sport but I do know I screwed up a finger playing which put a crimp in my guitar playing for months.

The venue was CW Post college and there was a substantial crowd watching. Forty years ago I attended a bunch of our football games which had a large crowd. I had a friend who played on the team and also had another friend who was in the band - we rooted for both - especially the band when they spelled out tributes. There wasn't enough members so they usually just spelled out initials...Yeah, Yeah - RJL Raymond J Lockhart!

This volleyball crowd was intense, loud and large. Lots of Indian headdresses and war painted teen-age boys..Did I mention they were the chiefs? I guess there's been no protests. It's not like they were doing the Atlanta Braves' Tomahawk chop. But wait, they do seem to be doing war chants as Massapequa tied the 2nd game...Oy, they lost..

Time to go to the gym ... I need to get back by 2 pm as I see there's a field hockey playoff versus the Carl Place Frogs!!! (Frogs?? I gotta see that sticky-tongue crowd)

Rollover Beethoven

Somebody once threw a cliche at me about how retirement is a lot of work. I wasn't sure what that meant. I figured retirement was like what you see on TV commercials. A grey-haired couple walking on the beach with their dog while wearing brightly-colored sweaters. (I've yet to do that)..I think what they may have meant by "a lot of work" is the administration of getting yourself situated regarding pensions, savings, social security and health insurance. It seems to be that more paperwork is required here than in the pre-retirement phase of life.

I've never had more folders and paperwork on my desk than I do now. It's a big part of Time Killing. One form seems to lead to another. And, GOD, don't forget your damn PIN or PINS. We have a Rolodex with all our PINS. Ten-years ago I should have established ONE damn PIN and used it for everything.. Well, I did try that but as time went on Pin requirements got stricter -- at least 5 letters, 2 numbers and not your birthday or SSN. Speaking of social security numbers --- that damn number is used for everything..I have 5 of the same number in mine. It often gets a comment - "nice poker hand there"..

We recently rolled over my old 401k into an IRA.. How's that for trendy? I've done that before and it was very simple. This time was different. I saw an ad in the Sunday NY Times (full page) promoting how easy it is to do this rollover. (I could have had the Dog Whisperer do this)..There were some complications (not worth mentioning) which led to multiple meetings, conference calls and mailings. Lucky for us we did have a terrific contact who helped with every step. We are getting near the completion of this..After all, it is our life savings we had to put in a safer haven..It's interesting to see how customer focused one can be when dealing with moolah and potential commissions..I wanted to ask our rep. what kind of piece of the cheese she gets.. I'd never do that even though SHE has all our info..

"Was Beauty Who Killed The Beast"

Had a tourist outing with friends this past weekend.. Lots of sightseeing, walking, subwaying and eating. All of it fun and entertaining. Well, almost all of it was fun. When I was a school kid on Long Island we took a few trips into the city to museums and the grand daddy of all attractions - The Empire State Building (ESB)..I can remember shooting up quickly with classmates in a very large elevator to the gift shop on the 86th floor..I can also remember looking over the side and thinking that heights wasn't my thing but it was fun. I bought a ESB thermometer which was on my dresser for years.

So, fast forward to our weekend outing which had the ESB on the agenda. I had my doubts and almost blew it off but I didn't want to be a KillJoy (is that a word?)...What a poorly run side show. There didn't seem to be any restrictions as to how many people they can jam into the endless lobby levels..After the first hour of being in an over-crowded line I thought we were close - wrong..During this time and into the second hour we were victimized by hype meister sales people trying to sell us "express" tickets to go right to the top. Hey, only $47 a piece...These official sales people were at almost every turn. Many desperate types took advantage and seem to go to the next lobby of sardine tourists..

OK, so now it's too late to back out and go against the flow back to the street. And, we paid our $20 a piece and did the Disney World line shuffle for another hour getting us closer to the elevators - or something that looked like elevators giving us hope. Strangely the workers/ushers were all dressed in old-style uniforms including Ralph Kramden caps and brass button maroon blazers. We were looking at anything to amuse ourselves as we followed the velvet ropes to the next abyss. At each turn there was always hope.

At last - elevators. OK, here we go. Pack 'em in. Don't move your arms. Say something funny as your mood is 'elevated'. Watch the digital floor number read out. Hold it - we are getting off at floor 80? What the hell? Yup, get back in line you Lemmings. There is another elevator to take you to 86. That took some time. Back to the mysterious snaking line and velvet ropes. Oh look, some of those express pass people are right with us. There's $47 down the drain. Oh and don't let me forget that they took EVERYONE's picture at one of their choke points. That was soon after going through airport-style, belt removing, x-ray security crap.

Finally, we get to the 86 th floor. There were so many people you couldn't move. I was hoping to see a sign like 'Occupancy by more than 12,938 people is prohibited'.. To add to the fun, one side of the observation deck was closed due to high winds..oh yeah, it was like the top of Everest without the Sherpas. We just spent close to three hours to spend 10 minutes up there. I was relieved it was over. It was the Time Killer of all Time Killers. I could have watched Avatar and had a leisurely meal in that time.

If you want to have a good ESB experience - do the King Kong/Faye Wray thing and climb up the side. So you swat a few planes and risk your life. You can look in all the windows and decide where to enter...Better than an express pass.

Extra Innings?

Need to get away from recent animal-related time killing experiences...Had a new non-animal event to report. We signed up with a large brokerage firm to handle our nest egg (my favorite term) for our retirement. We had a long meeting the other day and reviewed everything you can think of. The financial planner/adviser created a plan for us and sent it today - as planned - as a PDF via the internet. It was a large file..

It was early afternoon and I had the baseball playoff games on as I started my download. It was the first inning of game one (an important benchmark). I went to the link in the email which had all my "stuff".. the full recommendation of what to do with our nest egg. I used our login and PIN info and was asked for my SSN which it rejected (there are many theories why but I can't bear to repeat them)...I had NO access to the file since now I was Locked OUT for making too many mistakes.. I hate that. I'm usually good with this kind of computer crap..This company, like others, have way too many layers of security..

I gave up trying to login and called their tech support line. I got a youngish go-getter type so I felt a sense of relief. Well, short-term relief. I had experience with his type from my former job. He was talking PC-talk and I am a Mac user (shouldn't everyone be?)..I was used to this as I was in the vast minority of Mac users at my old job (maybe 25 Mac users and 20,000 PC users). Young Brad tried all sorts of crap and I was suggesting alternatives. He put me on hold..Here comes the Muzak..

This was the longest on-hold experience I ever had.. I was sure he forgot me OR (could it be?) he was in India, a la Outsourced. I was humming along to the Muzak hoping this recorded call would bring me fame. Lots of Mozart strings stuff. I was making up lyrics to the classical stuff. I was amused and sure I'd never get my info until a bonafide IT propeller-head got on the line. Remember the game? OK, now it's the 5th inning!!! If I had known this was going to take this long I would have peed. If I leave the phone I may miss the tech support. Bladder pain!!

Finally, I got a direct line into tech support super central who did what they always do. Logged me off and created a whole new profile, new PIN, new password, new fingerprints and DNA and walked me through it . Finally success.. Great, it's been over an hour, the game - Tampa/Texas - is in the 6th inning and I have decided to pee sitting down and read my 29-page retirement report.. ahhhhhhhhhh...

A tail of two critters

TAIL is not a typo. It's yet another Time Killer animal blog entry. Just when I felt Larry the boxer had quieted down and the deer have started to get ready for winter, another animal appears on the radar screen.

I was on my way out today when I eye-balled the back yard and saw this hyena-like creature sunning itself on the ramp going into our shed. The shed is a hang out for multiple critters - ground hog & skunk live underneath and there is always a family of mice living in my leaf blower.. I always check before starting up as one year I made a rodent salsa out of a mousekafamily. And, let's not forget the squirrel who entered our INSIDE through the fireplace.

Back to the latest ... My first impression was that this new creature was a fox but it didn't meet all those criteria (as IF I'd know)..The face was pointy but the tail was bare-ish, like a rat. That bothered me. A fox tail would have been nicer. It also didn't have a red hue. I think that perhaps this was a coyote. It got up and walked across the yard and it had a bounce in its step as if to say "screw you, bub...this is MY yard." I then went into the yard - with baseball bat in hand - just in case it attacked.. I saw no evidence of him but I did hear some rustling in the woods.

I was unable to get a picture so I went to the trusty internet (YOU TUBE) and saw some pictures that led me to believe this was a coyote. I've seen them on the news many times since being home. Town officials seem to always be killing them (that ain't good) so I didn't feel too bad holding a baseball bat. I doubt I'd engage in battle.

Meanwhile as the coyote/fox hybrid entered the woods I see my new-found friend in the yard next door - LARRY the Boxer. Old Larry was poised still like a hunting dog (mmmmm, fox?)..I could tell he sensed something but couldn't chase because his owner put up an invisible fence .. These are very popular and stop dogs from straying off the property (I guess it's electrical or audio). The culprit never appeared again but I think Larry saw it. I guess the fence that keeps Larry in place may keep Wil E Coyote off their property as well..

In the clearing stands a Boxer

One of the things I like about living where I do is the peace and quiet. You can go hours without hearing a sound. I swear as part of my Time Killing duties I've seen less than five cars go down our street in a day. When we talk about relocating (which we do) I hate to think about giving up this solitude. I fear things are changing..

I had heard through the grapevine that our elderly neighbor - who hasn't made a peep in 20 years - has taken in her daughter and her 2 children. I heard some evidence of this and wasn't too worried. There's a fair amount of space between our properties. I had met the daughter while checking my mailbox - a highlight in my daily routine. She was very friendly and pre-apologizing for any new noises. I said I hadn't heard anything (yet). Today that changed.

I had to hang around the house because I have the oil burner tech coming to do a pre-winter cleaning. Normally, I'd be out by 11 am doing something but today I am here with the windows open on a very nice day. And so the fun began at 9 am or so. How long can a dog bark before shredding its throat muscles? So far it's been 2.5 hours - NON STOP. The oil burner guy is actually quieter. The dog, a Boxer, is named Larry. Odd name for a dog I think. Then again our family dog was named Charlotte. This dog looks like a show dog....but he does have a head shape like a Pit Bull.. He did trot over to me the other day and I held my ground so I didn't seem like a pansy..(remember the deer story from last week?)..He stopped before he got to me and returned to his owner next door. I was relieved but thought "uh oh, is this going to be the new regime - avoiding Larry?"...So far he's still barking.

The oil burner guy finished and I walked out to his truck to sign stuff. He gave my boiler an A+ as we chatted in the driveway. He then asked "what's with all the barking?"...

Hello Deer

Not too many new time-killing activities to report. I am very used to being around the house more than ever so nothing is surprising or interesting. Today was a little different. I was out for a couple of hours and when I returned and pulled in the driveway I saw a number of deer in our back yard. This is nothing knew. It can be like Wild Kingdom around here at times. Unlike our first house on Long Island, there are critters aplenty around here. Long Island had squirrels and birds. If there ever was a deer we would have called 911.

So, as I got out of the car I walked into the yard. There were 5 of these creatures. It looked like a mother and 4 babies or fawns or whatever the hell they're called. The fawns have spots like in a Disney cartoon or in the movie "The Yearling. Those 4 fled as I entered the yard. I had no intent but they were eating my shrubs. The mother deer, however, held her ground. You know, like a deer stuck in the headlights. This had to be the biggest deer I've seen in the yard. It looked like one of those hunters' decoys. All it needed was a target on its side.

I figured the mother was protecting her clan (is that what you call a pack of deer?)..I walked toward the big mother and she never flinched OR showed a sign of moving. Now I am thinking I have no seniority here. This could be a crazed animal with distemper and I will be filmed being attacked and go viral on You Tube (I had my phone/camera at the ready).. I never got this close before and I am wondering what gives? I kept getting closer and I was getting creeped out. The baby deer were frolicking in the woods. I made a few sudden spastic gestures and this animal still didn't budge. I was about 12 feet away and gave up. As I turned away to go back to the driveway I wondered if I will be blind sided. I made it back OK....The damn deer was still holding its ground. She showed me I guess.

When I got into the house I turned on the TV and it was wall-to-wall coverage of Hurricane Earl. I was flipping channels and one of the more obscure reports was saying that your pets or animals may behave oddly when a storm like this approaches.. Mmmmmmmmm, does that include those white-tailed demons??

Write what you know

I haven't been blogging much as there have been some distractions. I guess I had nothing pressing to report. The main issue was that I finished my screen play. I wrote 140 pages of a comedy/drama loosely based on my real life experiences. It took six months. I worked best in two to three-hour spurts. I never showed a word of this to anyone until this week. I worried that I had created a ball of shit. After all, I am a rookie and never wrote much more than a blog entry or a newspaper feature story. This was new for me but I DID enjoy it. Sure beats mowing the lawn or taking the train to the city.

I was relieved to get some positive feedback on this first draft from a very reliable, talented writer friend. There are some changes. I had trouble with the ending and it took me a few weeks to get it down "on paper"...Here's the wacky part - I dreamed the ending. In that dream was my late father who was very supportive and he actually said (gulp), go with your dream. I had no choice. I followed his advice.

In this screen play, the main character writes a blog. It's titled (brace yourself) Time Killer. Hey, I was in Marketing for 30 years. It's all about cross promotion. Why do you think they ask for your zip code at Radio Shack? It was very easy to come up with Time Killer samples - I have about 130 entries - some good, some not so good. My main character, anonymous, became very successful with his blog. He got a book deal. I have some background in publishing so I had enough BS to get through that scenario. It was some of the other stuff I had trouble with. I would just wing it or rip off the many movies I've watched.. God, I had to write a sex scene. I went very PG-13.. I toyed with going R but wimped out...

So I was comfortable writing "what I know"... working, commuting, being a husband and father, socializing, finances and general time killing. I hope something comes out of this. So far, besides some nice early reviews, I can only say that now after 140 pages, I have to wear reading glasses. Maybe I should write what I can SEE...

Poker Haunt Us

For the past few months I've been involved - well maybe not involved - in an indirect time killing activity. My wife has been playing on-line poker and doing very well. I think the success plus her affinity for games has been a legitimate draw for her. I never play for many reasons. Mainly, I am a shitty player. While in the service I tried to play as a time killing past time and never did well. I think it's an 'attention span' issue. My mind drifts when I should be figuring what cards the others have. We didn't play games as a family when I was growing up. My wife did play. Maybe that's the difference and maybe that's the reason she (and her brother) have amassed a 7-figure amount in make-believe money. I've gotten post-game updates where I've heard about winning pots of thousands and think what IF this was real stuff?

Sometimes she plays (on the computer) while talking to her brother on the phone who is playing at the same table. He's been her mentor and increased her interest and skills. I should thank him for that since it allows me to pursue one of my favorite time killing activities - watching baseball. I think the average time of a baseball game and the average time of a poker game is about equal - 3 hours or so. It's worked out pretty well I think. (The Cardinals are killing the Mets and the Yankees are in a rain delay as I type)..

This week I am alone as my wife is visiting her mother. Her brother is there too so I am sure there is some on-line gambling taking place. I thought of making up a screen name and logging on to secretly play along with them. I scrapped that idea. It's a long way to go for a gag. Plus I remembered a key event I had at a blackjack table at Foxwoods. I hit on a 15 (idiot). I got an 8 and the guy next to me -drunk and huge- had a 13 showing and told his girlfriend. "Jesus, that was MY card and that grey-haired guy took it"...I looked around for a grey-haired guy. Couldn't find one until I found a mirror....

Pickers?

You may think this entry is about guitar playing (something close to my heart) but it's not..It is, however, about this wacky show on the History Channel where these 2 basic guys travel the country with a big van and crawl through people's piles of junk, old cars, rusty bikes, pots, appliances, motor cycles and offer them money. They know a lot about these obscure pieces of junk and figure a way to make a profit after re-selling. It's an interesting show. It's often followed by Pawn Stars - a reality show about some overweight pawn brokers...Interesting but not as much as Pickers. But it is a good Time Killer..

So what does this have to do with anything? Today I had to make a call to a company I left 17 years ago. I worked there 16 years and I get a pension. I am used to dealing with such issues since I am doing the same deal with my most recent company. (A much larger firm)..When you call this larger firm, you give your employee ID number and they have your entire history and life story right in front of them. They print it out and send a copy. It never takes long. I guess that's pretty typical. It's like ordering from Amazon or Land's End. Standard procedure which we are all used to.

So I called this smaller firm, explained what I needed and expected to have an answer within minutes. I did notice the woman sounded like my grandmother which in a weird way was comforting. She asked my last name and when I worked there. I gave that to her and she said, 'Oh gee, that was quite a while ago'. I will have to go into STORAGE.. I think she said that or INVENTORY.. In any case she had to call me back. She had to go into some kind of oversized file store room. So, I am picturing this as one of the two Pickers - crawling around some dusty, cramped room, blowing dust off labels and looking like my loving grandma (nana, actually)..

She called me back 3 hours later and said she found my info..She sounded tuckered out but relieved. I hope they buy a computer and scan all this data..I could just hear her yelling EUREKA!! Ahhh, it was a good pick. Whatta ya want for that nana?..

The UNreal World

It's summer time (and the livin ain't so easy)..sorry..Summer time also equals re-runs on TV. I have to admit, TV does play a big part in the world of Time Killing. One of my indulgences was the daily rerun of the Sopranos at 8 am. I felt ready for the day after watching. I got in the habit and it was automatic until the station (A&E) changed their schedule. They have a zillion crime/cop reality shows. I've never watched a whole hour episode. They may be good. I just didn't kill any time watching.

Plugged into the Sopranos 8 am time slot was the "reality" show, Family Jewels. I stumbled on to that while looking for Tony and Carmella eating cereal in their kitchen. And what did I get? Gene Simmons, the star of Family Jewels and the front man for one of the dullest, inane rock bands, KISS. Yes KISS, not to be confused with Insane Clown Posse. Both groups have very good make up but Kiss has the longest tongues. Gene Simmons has a very long tongue and shows it off as if it's worth seeing.

Simmons and the cast includes his porno actress wife Shannon Tweed and their 2 kids going about their crazy rock n roll life. Here's the hitch. It seems scripted, fake, phony, pre planned, set up, produced and basically uninteresting and unfunny. You have to think about the Osbourne reality show which at least seems somewhat real and unfortunately now off the air. There are many reality shows that actually seem real. The lady with the 8 kids, the many little people shows, kid beauty pageants and the very queasy Hoarders.. ugh..

Was just watching the British Open from Scotland. Tiger Woods was doing ok and so were a bunch of guys I don't know. I'm not much of a golf fan unless there's some great drama. Want some great drama? How about John Daly, the wacky, bigger than life big hitter from Arkansas who had to overcome weight and alcohol problems. He's in the top 10 of this event. Now, he actually had HIS own reality show "Being John Daly". I think 11 people saw this. I was one of them. I'd like to see him win this major. Go down to the 18th hole on Sunday. Be neck and neck with Tiger. He'd be wearing his pink paisley pants and a lime green cap. Drinking a diet Coke and a Marlboro hanging from his mouth. That's Reality. No tongues please!!

Ga Ga me with a spoon

Here's a new Time Killer. I try not to watch the Today Show for lots of reasons but today on Today was one of their wild-ass concerts on the plaza and I stayed tuned until the show began. The show was Lady Ga Ga. It took forever to get started. I know she has some hits and I know she's popular, however, I couldn't identify her in a police line up if you paid me. Her songs, while very theatrical, seem commercially catchy. Reminds me of Madonna before she ran out of gas. Strike a pose!!!

So here's my point..I watched her do a few songs and it was somewhat entertaining. There were 20,000 people jammed into this 3-block plaza. Lots of preparation and special effects..I switched channels for a minute and when I returned the show was in full swing - in the rain!! Whoa and Lady G was forging ahead rolling on the stage floor pelted by water. I am now distracted because I think---this is good, we really NEED the rain. My yard looks like the surface of the moon. The crowd, now sporting umbrellas, was staying put. I then looked out my window and saw clear skies which is normal as NYC is 50 miles away, however, when the camera went to a wider shot I saw that this "rain" was a special effect. Giant shower heads soaking the stage, the performers, the equipment and the crowd. Fake out..

The inane Today show host then said they'd be back after Lady Ga Ga had time to 'blow dry her hair'..Does a woman who runs around almost naked with a gyroscope for a hat and tennis-ball glasses really give a shit what her hair looks like?? I turned off the TV and watched the dust devils swirl in the yard.

Global frying

I just realized it's not a good day when the temperature exceeds the increase in the Dow. The button on my computer (which shows both in the same screen) has the air temp at 101 and the Dow is down 15. I hate this button. I can't see the temp now without getting queasy about the DJIA. How sick I am of following this economic crap. I think it's time to cash in and stuff the money under a couch cushion..

Unrelated but equally stupid? The Queen of England is being paraded around NYC today and they say it's 103. This is a woman from the UK where the temperature probably averages 72 in July. She is currently addressing the UN and I swear it's like a Monty Python skit. Looks like Michael Palin dressed up in my grandmother's winter clothes. And little did she know she'd be walking across ground where her shoe heels would be sinking into the asphalt. You can imagine her mumbling - "Get me the F outta here Jeeves...and I mean NOW".... Does she fly commercial I wonder? Big story this morning is the royal family is running out of money. They can't fix the roof on Buckingham Palace --- Maybe we need a fund raiser - QueenAid.. We can throw a few bucks to Fergie too...

Ahh, nuts

As I've mentioned I am on a softball team - have been for some 20 years. However, I don't play much. Actually, not at all. So I'm a coach or a bench jockey or whatever. The team, in first place, is manned by mostly young, athletic guys. Most of us original members are riding the pine (or aluminum). It's a minor time killer but nonetheless a nice way to kill an hour or two. This includes a cold beer in the parking lot afterwards - win or lose.

Last night, while on the bench with a few other elders, our pitcher tossed one at the plate. The batter didn't swing and it took a funky bounce and hit the umpire right in the jewels. He immediately turned around and grabbed the back stop's chain-link fence and moaned in pain. Sad, right? NOT to me. As this poor guy - who I've known for years - was cringing with pain and embarrassment I was laughing. Like really laughing. He flashed me a look. I guess I was the only one who found it funny.. I DID see others muffling their smirks. At the inning break, I privately apologized to the ump. He was gracious - or maybe happy to be breathing. I used the President Clinton line, "I feel your pain"... Corny, but I was desperate.

So, I wondered, why am I the only one to laugh? I don't know.. DNA? I remember my mother telling me a story (one of many) about a similar event in her life. She was in a hospital lobby - having one of her babies - when a NUN who was walking down the lobby's stairs tripped and fell down the entire flight. My mother told me how bad she felt first for the nun and second for laughing as she landed at the bottom. And, she said, she couldn't STOP laughing and had to leave the area. The story ran through my mind as I continued cackling at the poor ump. I bet my mom would have laughed... She liked baseball..

Goodbye 4 o'clock Charlie!!

Once again my Time Killing is surrounded by my home being a job site. This time it's a team of landscaper/stonewall builders. We are having our walkway, patio and shed area fixed up. It's hot as hell and the men are working like dogs..I brought them some nice ice water and solo cups - a treat.

They started their project with our shed which is now edged with some very nice stone work - far beyond what I thought we were getting. I've left them alone since I can be of no help except being a water boy. I do peek out the window now and then (every 8 minutes) to see the progress. I did see something interesting as they started to whack the pieces of stone and jam them into place. While I was watching I saw our resident chunky rodent (ground hog/hedgehog) poke his head from underneath the shed. THIS is his home for years. Years ago we named him 4 o' clock Charlie since that was about the time (pm) he'd enter the grassy area of our yard to forage for food. I guess he wasn't sure if he was nocturnal.

At this sighting, 4 o'clock scampered into the woods. I don't think the workers noticed. OR maybe they're so jaded they just ignored it. I'm not going to ask. Hey, speaking of scampering into the woods, not one of these guys have used our bathroom. They've been here 7 hours so far. Heads up 4 o'clock .

Pants on the ground

I was feeling I had hit almost all Time Killing issues this past year so there have been fewer postings. I read back on them and felt like I'd be in re-runs if I wasn't careful. Today, however, I had a little gem.

I had a dental cleaning appointment which went as expected. Lots of scraping and flossing and chatting. The hygienist is a very nice girl (she seems to be in her 20s but I could be wrong).. She's good with my aging mouth and she talks a lot. I rarely have a chance to answer with a mouth full of Allen wrenches and cotton. I try to recall my responses and speed talk them as she's in between processes. She's very interested in movies and was asking me if I saw Shutter Island (or is it Shudder?). I said no and told her I'd rent it so next time we can talk about it. She said good since she'd like the input of a professional!!! Yikes, a professional? I forgot I had mentioned I was doing some writing. She remembered that and I did give her an update on my top secret screenplay project. I guess that enhanced my status as a pro? Ah, what the hell. I felt good about that. No cavities and I have an identity at the dentist's office.

So as I said my goodbyes and exited the office I remembered I had loosened my belt before I got in the exam chair. No important reason - just more comfortable. I have to cinch my belt tight to keep my pants up. It's idiotic but part of my life. So as I walked out I could feel the looseness but ignored it thinking nobody will notice my saggy ass. I got to my car which was up too close against the neighboring Benz next to me. I had to go sideways to my door and I noticed a huge yellow jacket wasp in my rear wheel well area. I used my previously-learned tactics and ignored that damn thing. Not good. He flew right at my face and I started swatting like a mental patient. I slid my way from between the 2 cars to the small parking lot and I was in that wasp's cross hairs. I was fixed on not getting stung and in that moment my loosened pants slid to my knees..Oh shit.

As I shuffled back to the shelter of the 2 cars, a guy about my age had just pulled up and exited his car. I reached for my pants but I was limited with my zippy little dental packet in hand. Screw it. I dropped it and grabbed my pants and the guy asks me if everything is OK. I said yeah, oh yeah, just an aggressive wasp. We then had the oddest 2-minute conversation about wasps on his roof and his feelings about dental cleanings. The whole time I was holding my pants up by my belt hidden by a Silver E-class Benz. My dental packet was on the ground and the wasp continued hoovering toward the back of my car..

A good Time Killer blog entry I thought... Afterall, I AM a professional!!!!

Attack of the dragon flies...bzzzzzzz

Summer - or at least the growing season - is in full bloom now. That means stuff grows and that means it has to be maintained. I think I mentioned in earlier posts that I canceled my lawn service since I thought I could do it myself. It also saves some money which is now more important. So far it has been a tolerable Time Killer. We have one acre of land. It's not all grassy but there are many jungle-like areas that need wacking or agent orange. Most times the yard job takes a minimum of one hour to twice that. I try to get it done when the thermometer is below 90. Today was a close call.

On this warm, overly-humid day I attacked the growth at about 10 am. I try not go make too much noise early which can disturb the neighbors.. HA..I think there's maybe ONE person at home and she's about 90. HER lawn service starts at 8 so I don't know why I care. Since it was so hot today I initiated my minimal one-hour treatment. Sounds like a spa doesn't it? I have many neurotic preferences as far as which way to mow, when to rest, when to change directions.. It's all too stupid to detail. Today I had a new variable to consider..

It's a buggy time of year. I've learned to ignore wasps - my #1 enemy. They will hover but leave you alone if you don't swat at them. I do most of my reading on the deck and have learned how to be wasp free even when they land on me.. I haven't been stung in 5 years. So, I feel kind of bold and only make squealy girly sounds when I am alone out there and a flying thing approaches.

Today I took all my bug knowledge and proceeded to do the lawn thing when in the back yard I was noticing there were many Dragon Flies. I remember as a kid we called them Darning Needles and we mispronounced that in many variations - Dyning Needles, Flying Needles. I recall that they weren't stingers so as their numbers increased I remained calm. They seemed to group up in formation and I was their main target. I kept my cool and could almost hear the freakish music from the chopper attack scene in Apocalypse Now. I estimate there were about 15 of these prehistoric bastards and they were swooping at me as I mowed. I was hoping I was right about their stinger less status. I think I was BUT they were flying into me - ramming me like they were working for Greenpeace and I was killing whales. I had to stop for a bit and let them return to the mother ship..

So I did finish and survive to write this account. I never got bit or stung but I did break the swat rule and tried to get them to shoo. I forgot my limitations and swung my left arm with the bad shoulder. It felt like electricity from my neck to my knee...Damn Dyning Needles...

Chain gang

I started physical therapy for a nagging shoulder problem. I guess that's a better alternative than surgery. I had surgery on my other shoulder eight years ago and it's been OK ever since. Going to PT is much like going to the gym except there's somebody riding your ass a couple of times a week. It is a legit Time Killer and hopefully there will be some good results.

I seem to be in the minority in this rehab hospital setting. There are mostly older and more serious ailments. There's mostly leg and cardiac types. You can tell by their workouts and by the monitors they have hanging off them - sometimes they beep. I think they must look at me and think "wimpy shoulder problem boy"..My exercises are moderate I guess and so far I'm not sure if they're helping..They do make me sore but maybe that's good? The best part is the ice pack at the end. I feel like a relief pitcher.

Today as I was doing my wimpy workout in a vacated corner of the place, in paraded a bunch of prisoners. These guys were all chained together at the waist and the ankles and hands. There were two guards for each jail bird. I was staring but trying not to be obvious and also trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Obviously, prisoners/convicts need physical therapy too.. I asked my therapist what up with that? She said in a whisper they get some of these guys who mainly have jail-induced injuries such as knife and gunshot wounds. I tried to look tough but they won that contest. I was glad the "screws" were on board to protect me as I did my up and down pulley routine. I was wondering how tough I'd look in the prison yard pulling my rubber strap behind my back.

I wondered too what kind of coverage these guys had. CHMO - convict's health maintenance organization? Maybe they just try and get hurt so they can have a day trip to look forward to. I bet their coverage is better than mine. Mine kinda blows -- maybe I should get arrested!?

Roll Over Beethoven

We were given some tickets to our local symphony's performance of a couple of Beethoven pieces conducted by Itzhak Perlman. We don't do such things too often but I figured I'd enjoy it - and I did. I enjoyed the musicianship and general scene with some 65 performers on the stage as well as the famed Perlman (I thought maybe he'd play some Orange Blossom Special but no such luck). So overall it was interesting and a new category for Time Killing.

What was unusual (to me) is while listening and absorbing the performance my mind went off into a variety of areas - all amusing. As I've mentioned here I am writing a screenplay and in that 2 hours I had more ideas than ever. I wished I had a pen but committed it to memory instead. I did write it down when I got home that evening. Now as I read the notes I wonder what planet I was on. I did salvage some of the ideas as I head into the turbulent waters of my third act.

A follow up to the MRI I had last week.. I was hoping this "open" version was going to be more tolerable than the reenactment of Das Boot's torpedo-firing sequences. Well, it was..It took an hour but it was like lounging on a picnic table (hard surface) with a giant-sized pizza plate hoovering over my face and shoulders. Lots of noises which I knew was coming. They kept asking me if I was OK. I finally said if I'm not, I'll scream like a banshee (the tech didn't know what that was)... Results are due this week.

Damn the torpedos

This time last year I was ranting about an MRI I had. I truly felt like a torpedo in a WWII submarine movie. Packed in a tube like a sardine with about 1/4 inch of clearance on the top. Well, it's that time again. Another MRI is scheduled in a day or two. Maybe this one will be better since there's no IV. It's a Time Killing low point, however.. You just can't wait till it's over. They make you hold your breath, lay awkwardly and not move. It's like being in a Nazi prison camp.. I will be reporting on this experience in the next TK entry.

Again, this time last year I had to report to the unemployment office (conveniently located in a crappy neighborhood with almost no parking)..Had to do that again this week. If you recall last year's entry, the group meeting leader used the phrase "with that said" about 50 times. It kept me amused and added to the Time Killing amusement factor (TKAF). I was hoping he'd be leading this meeting but we had two very young rookies addressing a much larger group this time. There were no "with that said" comments. These two did their best and limited questions (thank GOD) Otherwise, we would have been there for 3 hours instead of one. Overall, I can't really complain.

The highlight of this trip was that my ten-year-old car was still there on the street when I returned, parked illegally with a broken parking meter --- with that said, there was a Time Killing amusement factor TKAF!!!!

Blogged down

Haven't made many entries lately and I have no good reason for that except I have other writing projects - OK, ONE project on which I am making progress. At least writing isn't affected by any physical maladies. (I won't get specific but there will be more info soon)...

My newest Time Killer this season is doing my own yard work. I had a yard/lawn service for a couple of years and decided I could save some money and get some exercise if I do it myself. I used to see the service show up every Wednesday and bombard the yard and have it completely in order in under ten minutes...They had large, loud commercial grade machines and at least five workers .. I had mixed feelings but always felt good when it was done.. Now, when I do it myself it takes me about 90 minutes and I learned to take a mid-project break (I never used to have to do that).. My only enemy is heat - if it's 70 or below I can groove..Above 70 and I need to take halftime - without the entertainment. This also eliminates the need to go to the gym for that day. The lawn workout is way more intense.

Also, softball season has started and we had our first game this week. I have established myself as a non-playing coach which I am better suited for.. I played on this team for 20 years or so and had a great time. We now have many young players (sons of the elders) who have kept us competitive. We won the league last year. It had to be my edgy coaching. "Slide, tag up, go halfway, come back, dive, dive, dive...fire ONE"..

Had a weekend Time Killing event as three friends and I went to Southern Maine last weekend. We do this all the time. Three of four of us are "retired".. Am I RETIRED?? We had a good time, as usual, and compared notes on our new lifestyles (very similar I may add)..

Finishing up some of our home projects...new bathroom, new oil tank, power washed house and deck, stained deck, new ceiling fan, new driveway....blaaaaa.. OK, the irony is let's get our house just the way we want it and MOVE!!!!!

Face it

I know it's popular to make fun of social sites like My Space, Twitter and Facebook. So, let me join in and add to that. Maybe it's my age or attitude but these sites don't appeal to me. I say this after posting some 120 Time Killing blog entries. Yet, blogging has a sense of continuity and form. I write and get some comments usually via e mail since the "comments" slot is too complex for most.

I did join Facebook last year since I had a number of people invite me to join and I didn't want to seem snobby by not complying. So I did that and confirmed anyone who invited me to be their friend - or whatever the terminology is. So I have a bunch of "friends" I don't know which I guess is OK but then again.....

You get loads of pictures of people, dogs, kids and grandmas you don't know which again is OK, just not interesting. So I check every couple of days in case there is something or someone I really do know. I usually have no idea what is going on but what I learned was NOT to respond in Facebook if you don't want the world to know your business..I learned that when I responded to a former co-worker about a work situation which I would have preferred to keep private. I guess I shouldn't let that bother me. After all, what the hell could happen - I could lose my job?

New Season

Winter is over. Bahrain trip has been completed. Yard work is underway and a new season of time killing begins. Today was well into the mid-80s and it gave the news dips a lot to talk and joke about. I was wondering at what level they would address this? Ohh yeah, what else is there to say besides wear light clothing, drink lots of fluids and check on the elderly? How about a standard old scary news graphic showing likelihood of FOREST FIRES.... Jeeeeeeeeeeze, didn't we just have 12 inches of rain? The deeper the color red the more likely the chance..I'll be sure to watch sparking and tossing lit cigarettes as our area was kind of maroon . I quit smoking 30 years ago. Too bad - could be some good time killing enjoying a Marlboro..

Had the AC guy here today firing up our central AC system. I was surprised when he arrived. The usual techs are young and wiry able to snake their way through the cave-like attic without falling through the floor/ceiling. This guy HAD to be 60, about 5'7" and an easy 220. I was scared he'd have real trouble so I hung out close to him and manned a flash light and fetched some of his tools. I even changed the air filter since I can do it without a ladder. I wanted him to conserve his energy. I thought I was over reacting - I tend to do that. Then I felt justified as the tech told me he once passed out in an attic and had to be rescued by the fire dept..

HVAC tech - besides bridge painter and window cleaner, another job I don't want...

Back to Bahrain

Doesn't that title sound like a good movie name? I always remember "Back to Bataan" - a cool war movie - was on every damn Sunday of my childhood. It was gritty and entertaining. So what am I talking about? Read on.

Bahrain is an island in the Persian gulf.. I guess it's a country or a Sheikdom or something. I was sent there by the US Navy to serve out my final 12 months of my 4-year tour. I had to go to the library to look it up when I got the orders. I never heard of it. Its location and background were scary AND this was really all before the term Persian Gulf (or Desert Storm) had such a negative connotation. I was assigned to serve on the USS LaSalle, the command ship of the Commander of Middle East Forces. The ship was painted white (not grey) to reflect the incredible desert heat. The summer had temps frequently above 100 and sailors were allowed to wear shorts and T shirts. It was like an episode of McHale's Navy.

My latest time-killing experience is to be here at home alone for 10 days. That's a record for solo time even though I have had many days by myself so I am well trained. Why am I doing solo time? My wife (and her mother) left on a long-planned trip to Bahrain yesterday. My wife's dad was a US Navy officer who was also stationed in Bahrain. He moved the whole family over there in the early 70s and lived for 3 years in an apartment near the base. Her dad also had quarters on the ship and went on many cruises in his 3 years. My wife and her brother attended an International high school on the island. She has attended a number of reunions for that school. I joined her at one of the reunions and we won the award for longest-married couple. I should mention we met in Bahrain and had a very atypical courtship - Indian movies, HOT food and a rented Datsun B210. Most recently she and I attended a reunion for the ship and we are scheduled to attend another this year. Living there had a profound influence on my wife's family and yesterday they left out of Kennedy Airport for London and then to Bahrain. The trip of a life time...

It reminded me of one of those re-visits to Vietnam where those vets get to see that country in a different light and see a WalMart where a rice paddy used to be. My wife and her mother are well prepared for this adventure. They spent months planning and even though their airline - British Airways - went on strike a week before their trip, they managed to get on a re-scheduled flight and were upgraded to some kind of upper-class service with foot rests, free booze, butlers and fuzzy slippers. I thought that was a good sign that this trip would go well..

This is only day 2 of the adventure so I don't have much detail and I don't know if it will come pouring in as cell phone and Internet costs are a touch high ($3 bucks per minute). I guess I will hear about it when they return..I did have an idea which is now too late.. This could have made a good documentary.. It has all the elements - historical, emotional, sentimental, educational - a true human interest tale. Just have to get someone to produce and film that..I'm too busy killing time here and after all I AM writing a screen play - the laff-a-minute story of a downsized 60-year old who loses his job as a result of the economic collapse. The working title is "Now What?" Look for it in theaters in about 4 years...I may have to update that theme and throw in some cutting health care yuks - "Hey, let's have another colonoscopy"...

I love a parade?

I can remember last St Patrick's Day as being one of the first days of my retirement. I recall seeing the parade on the TV which was odd as my office window had a first-hand view of the marchers and I didn't realize it was televised. So here is another St Pat's deal which doesn't really fill the bill for time killing. I remember as a kid all the Catholic schools used to be closed which made it seem like more of a holiday. Now it's just another day where Al Roker wears a green tie.

I guess I am mostly Irish as my mother was and I'd call her on this day from my office to see if she could hear the bagpipes on the street. I remember asking her if she'd ever like to come up and see the parade. I remember her answer was something like "oh, I'd hate the crowds"...ahhhhhh, therein lies the legacy. I did go to the parade a few times. A real outing - a one block walk with little chance of crossing the street.

I had to answer a question from my hair cutter yesterday . She asked what I was doing for St Patrick's Day. I had no answer because I did nothing. The hair cutter was shocked as she looks forward to it for days.. I re-thought the issue. Well, we just completed remodeling our main bathroom - new tub, new sink, new medicine cabinet, new toilet, new floor, new lights and the walls are GREEN...Erin GO Pee..

Update

About one hour into the Oscar show ABC returned to the air...How did this happen.? Pressure, guilt, fear..? I say Walt thawed out and read the riot act (in Mickey Mouse's high-pitched voice)..

And the loser is...

....anyone with Cablevision. As of 2 pm on Oscar telecast Sunday our local cable carrier does NOT have ABC-tv - the broadcaster of the program. That channel was knocked off line at midnight last night due to a money (big surprise) dispute between Cablevision and Disney...DISNEY????? holy shit - If Walt was alive he'd never let this happen. He soothed all our souls when he was alive...we had the Mickey Mouse Club, the Disney Sunday show, all sorts of movies including Son of Flubber, Snow White, Lady and the Tramp..damn, isn't he frozen somewhere. Can't somebody thaw him out and get him to settle this before 9 pm?

So there will probably be no time killing with the Academy Awards tonight. Maybe they will settle before that. I am really just a casual viewer but I did see most of the movies. There are 3 million subscribers affected and many who are involved in the industry. So unless you have an alternate carrier (Fios, Dish, Direct TV) you better break out the blow torches and start working on Walt...

Shoot De Puck!!

A new time killer today.. Watched the much-hyped Canada/USA Hockey gold medal game. I was ready to make some snide comments since I am not a hockey fan - too many fights, can't follow the puck..I have to say it was pretty exciting and at least it IS a sport - something the Olympics needs more of.. More hockey - less curling

Hockey is a strange sport to me.. so many haphazard shots and passes. How the hell does anything get into the net. About 5 years ago - when I worked - I got a call from a famous hockey player who was working with a local printer in a sales capacity. This was Rod Gilbert and he offered to meet me down at Madison Square Garden to watch the NY Rangers workout. I had no interest as I didn't need the printer and worse I had no real idea who Rod Gilbert was. I looked him up on the Internet and realized he was like the Willie Mays of hockey and I blew him off like he was a schmendrick. I was polite though. "No thanks, Rod". He kept calling me and leaving voice messages that went something like this -- "hey, come on down to the Garden..we can talk business and score some goals together" (read that with a French/Canadian accent)..he eventually stopped but I have seen him a number of times since on sports shows and now I realize what a hockey hero he was..

So I have to say the hockey game was a fairly entertaining way to kill some time today. Either team could have won. This was also income tax day for me. I won't reveal specifics but rest assured I would have rather watched the Rangers practice with Rod. Cool times, eh?

Plowing through February

It's official. This has been the worst of the time killing months (the 13th month too)..Another over-hyped snow event has people shuttering in fear and the plows are actually running on our street and there is NO snow..Maybe these are rain plows? There were a few teaser days this dismal month. The sun was out, the temps were in the high 40s and you could hear birds - it was just a distraction.

As usual trying to avoid TV. It's either snow hype OR Olympics..I am watching this season's American Idol.. It can be entertaining but you have to wonder where some of these singers get the courage to show they have no idea how to stay on key. I imagine being nervous has much to do with that. I like the early rounds where the lunatics perform. As they weed them out and the better performers are on it loses its attraction for me (I may be in the minority on that)..

I just turned on the TV - it's midday and almost every channel has their unlucky reporters standing on the roadside in their woolen caps and scarves giving us the lowdown on this storm. It's like a cliche fest. The reporter throws it back to the studio anchors and they all start laughing at ANYTHING.....and of course the weatherman takes the blame for everything.. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Swiffering for gold

In Conan O'Brian's final show monologue he advised everyone "not to be too cynical".. He must have never seen women's curling at the Winter Olympics. Watching the Olympics during a weekday is a new time-killing low point. During prime time you get to see skiing, skating and the psychotic luge contests. (gee, a guy died going 90 mph on a rocket-fast ice track bordered by huge steel girders?? Not surprising)..

So curling is immensely uninteresting and seems to be some kind of Nordic shuffleboarding. You slide some idiotic "stone" on what looks like an icy surface onto what looks like a bulls eye. I'm sure there is some explanation of who wins and why, but who cares? Two of the players, who are holding what looks like Swiffer brooms, brush the area in front of the moving stone helping it along before it gets to the bulls eye.

Listening to the announcers I had a feeling they were former players and lending very specific insight into the many strategies.. STRATEGIES?? I guess they're the same strategies you'd see in say Iron Chef on the food channel or a darts game in an Irish pub. Those two events never made it to the Olympics. The only similarity with these two and curling is you don't have to be in shape or have any athletic prowess - except for Swiffering like a lunatic..

I think I'll check the Olympics TV schedule to see when those skiers with the rifles start racing. It always reminds me of one of those James Bond movies where 007 parachutes off the end of a giant cliff.

I wonder if when the curling team goes up for their medals they bring their favorite Swiffers??

Snowapalooza!!!

Have to follow up on my last rant..250,000 dead in Haiti but it all it takes is a garden variety winter storm on the east coast to knock that story off the front page. So many different names for this "event" - my favorite is February Fury (I thought it was a joke). Turns out it was predicted to be a foot or two in this area. We got about 7 or 8 inches.. OK, so it's not that accurate but jeeeze don't spend half the day beating it to death..

A nice concise report is all we need. If we want more there's at least one or more 24-hour weather channels in case you can't get enough. I left the TV off today but when I periodically checked there was always some weather graphic, reporter in the street dodging plows or airport delay reports. OK, that is now the norm it appears..

I liked when a street reporter stopped a passerby as the snow was falling - you never know what you're going to get (Forest Gump)...This one reporter stops this guy who he should have known was trouble but the reporter asks, "what do you think of all this?". This guy was clearly demented and started shouting "WINTER, WINTER - it's still here.. GOD has plans"...The reporter made a lame ground hog shadow joke and turned it back to the stunned studio anchors who had dead-pan expressions..Was a highlight!!

Now with the snow stopped they try and scare the shit out of you with killer wind predictions and when that fizzles brace yourself for the NEXT big storm - 2 days from now. These studio weather people have such good hair - all of em.. Must be a substantial budget for such things. They better stay out of the wind..

Take this job and shovel it

OK, a new time-killing entry. It has been snowing on a weekly basis. Nothing earth shattering but enough to just annoy. The first level of annoyance is hearing the plows which gear up about 3 am with no concern for sleeping people. So, I'd rather have clear streets than good sleep? The sound of these clunky trucks/plows is significant and signals us that there is accumulation.

The next step is to survey the estate when the sun rises (about 6 45 or so) to see what you're up against. How much snow. Is it still coming down. Is it fluffy or wet. Is it cold. Is it windy. Have the plows built a giant wall of snow at the end of the driveway? What does this all mean to me? More than ever..

Being a free spirit I have no excuse other than to clear the property of the dreaded snow accumulation. Once I expertly survey the area I can determine is this a "shovel" deal OR is this a "snow blower" deal...You have to be able to justify the noise of the machine especially if it's early and you will alarm your 85-year-old neighbor. One good thing about the shovel deal is that it replaces a trip to the gym..It equals or surpasses the cardio effect of a treadmill (ha, I don't use one anyway). The shovel is slower but quieter and good for the four-inch and under job.. Everything over that means FIRE up the Toro and put on the goggles & boots..also, hope that Ms neighbor is out. She has a plow service..

It is interesting to be shoveling and stop to hear the sounds of other block members.. Some are shoveling and some are blowing. AND, this is 11 am on a Wednesday. To get a handle on the unemployment rate just look down the block and count heads...12 houses, 2 shovelers & 2 blowers. That's a 33% unemployment rate for this block. Next storm this Saturday - damn, there goes my methodology..

Dustbowl 2010

It's the end of week one for our bathroom remodel job. I've been home more than usual as I've tried to be here while our carpenter is here although I probably didn't need to be. It's a new category of time killing since there's really no privacy as he has to pass through all my lounging areas. I feel like a doofus watching TV - even if it's serious TV - while he's breaking his back getting our bathroom done. I've offered to help every day but he says "that's what you're paying me to do".. I like the sound of that. Overall he's a really good guy and I don't mind having him on site.. With his labor and our "designer's" vision I think this will come out very nice - and then we can move (taaaaa daaaaaaa)...

Speaking of moving I see on today's national weather report that the Southeastern states are getting hit hard with a winter storm. So the two places we've been considering relocating to - Roanoke, VA and Charlotte, NC - are getting a bunch of snow and ice. So much for the frequent cheery weather updates we get from our friends and family down there - "It's 60 degrees and we're wearing shorts!!!" "Don't bring your snow blower down here."

No worse place for this kind of winter crap than the south - they're just not used to it. Folks in Minnesota treat such weather like a sun shower. I remember my first winter in Arkansas. It snowed and I drove off to school and there was almost nobody on the road fighting through the 2-inch killer blizzard. I think they canceled classes that day. I can remember growing up on Long Island where it had to be a foot of snow before they even considered shutting down. God, we were tough...(I miss my bathroom)...

Random recap

I've been somewhat blogged out lately.. I try to stay on theme with my time killing exploits. There haven't been too many new time killing events to report unless you want to count the 2-hour dental appointment I had last week..Dr F ran into a few problems and I threw him way off schedule.. I could just sense the back up in the waiting room. Everyone must have had to read the old People magazines and the pamphlets on gum disease.. I am not sure what he ran into with my mouth but he did hook me up with something similar to automotive jumper cables (honest). A new way to kill an afternoon - and THIS was just the dentist.. Wait until my yearly medical stuff starts soon.. Remember last year's human torpedo story? I need to revisit that MRI place soon.

My delicate world will be disrupted the next week or so as we have our bathroom re-model job starting tomorrow. The first step of demolition is always a crowd pleaser. I need to break out the dust mask and figure just how much I need to be involved in this process.."Can I hold the flashlight for you? Should I shut off the water? Where do we throw this old toilet?? Do you need help carrying this 350 lb iron tub"?? I guess being Mr. homebody will have its advantages. This project would normally burn a bunch of personal and vacation days.

I am starting to outline a screenplay idea which is beginning to take shape. I wonder how much time killing that will be? I have some good resources (writer friends) who I can turn to should I get stuck.. Yes, I've been stuck a few times already. I guess this has affected my blogging energy but I'm hoping to make some progress and see if it's worth reporting on. I think my biggest challenge is writing dialogue. That's new to me. I have been reviewing some of my favorite movies/writers for inspiration.

Last night I couldn't sleep and I watched Albert Brooks' "Lost in America". I kept thinking - I can do this. Or should I say: "I can do this. I can plagiarize!!"... (fade to new scene)...

Our top story

I watched the Golden Globes this weekend. I can't remember ever watching the whole thing but in the spirit of time killing I tried to see the entire show. I was thinking it's like being a NASCAR fan as you are just waiting for a wreck. Unlike the Oscars, these awards allow the attendees to drink so as the show goes on there's more of a chance of someone having a meltdown. There was no meltdown (that I saw) except someone stepping on someone's gown (I know her name but I'm too lazy to look up the spelling). Chloi Sivigney????? That woman who is in that show about Mormons and polygamy - a real crowd pleaser.

I see a lot of movies so I had an interest in who won. This show includes TV too but there are many shows I've never seen (Dexter).. I was wondering how the media would handle this award show news but I did forget there were other things happening in the world. (Football playoffs, economy, failing-bank updates??) Oh yeah - Haiti. What a mess.

I notice the Today Show takes a similar angle on much of their daily reporting. Their preference always seems to be highlighting the "missing". There are always missing kids (usually in Florida) and they get the parents, uncles, aunts, neighbors to agree to an interview on their front lawn at 7 30 in the morning. It's always the same questions that never seem to help to resolve the problem. They took the same angle with this Haiti disaster as they rounded up a bunch of family of college students who were missing in a collapsed hotel. Very hard to watch as Meredith Viera was wondering who to blame for the lack of info and results. One of these students is from our town. It doesn't look good.

My grandmother used to travel all over the place years ago and always brought me back trinkets. One of the most memorable was a straw hat with the name Haiti weaved into the front. I can remember not having the slightest idea what it meant or what it was - I am guessing I was about 7 years old. It hung on my wall for a long time. I guess I could have asked or looked it up. My son sent me a video clip of a cruise we went on which stopped at Haiti. I can remember how hot it was there and that there were fires burning you could see from the shore. I wonder where my grandmother went when she was there? I should have asked AND I should have asked about this confusing pennant she got me from another trip -- it said Winnipeg. Years later I checked a map...

Glitch Bitch

Stuff breaks.. Stuff breaks or glitches all the time. Who cares? I guess I do when it takes up my valuable time. It seems that you fix one thing and there's something else broken to take its place. I like when things are in order and work correctly. Sometimes I can contribute to the correction and then there's the NEED for professional help. I have a thing about getting that "help"...I don't really want to wait for some tech to show up, enter the house and attack the problem while small talking about the snow. (the latest was the ice maker which requires another visit this week)...That problem has been diagnosed and I have it mentally corrected.. BUT there are gremlins just waiting..

The issues sound trivial but after all isn't that the basis of this blog?? Most of these fixes are garden variety, no big deal just get it done and shut-up projects..I know this. Today my car had trouble starting so I was housebound (poor me -- I had to watch football rather than go to the gym). The car will have to go IN probably the day the ice maker guy shows up and hopefully not the same day the carpenter and plumber come by to assess our bathroom fix... OK, maybe not a fix but a re-model that has been in the planning stages..I'm bracing for the dust cloud BUT longing for a industrial strength flushing toilet... yeeeeeeehaaaaaaa

I spent about 30 minutes tonight trying to correct a problem with my cable DVR - I won't get specific but those damn things are temperamental as hell.. don't EVER hit the wrong button or you will wind up recording 13 episodes of Hoarders while no other channel is accessible. I said screw it and shut it down hoping the cable elves would go to work overnight.. I decided to just work at my desk and pay a bunch of bills. I've paid my bills on line for a long time and it's very convenient and efficient. I always feel good about not having to write out checks. Today for the first time ever I logged in and my trusty Bank of America's site was DOWN.. Oy, do I even HAVE any paper checks?? Ok, I can hear my critics (it's temporary!!) I know but I need inspiration for writing...

Speaking of inspiration, take a look at a friend's new blog/site for aspiring writers:
http://screenwritersrehabbydbgilles.blogspot.com/

This will be my guiding light for my upcoming screenplay/movie "What the hell do I do now??"

2010

Wasn't 2010 a movie follow up to Kubrick's 2oo1?? I guess I could have confirmed that before writing it but that's one of the joys of this - just being lazy while killing time. Maybe I should write more about movies.. I am seeing more movies than ever - on TV and the theater. I always had a goal to see all the Oscar-nominated films before the big awards show. It makes it more interesting and now I don't have to worry about getting up for work the day after. So maybe I'll make that a new year's resolution (or revolution as one of my childhood friends used to call it)..

It's been almost a year since I "stopped working".. that is one of my many characterizations of my status. Depending on who I am talking to that can be - unemployed, retired, relaxing, job hunting (ha), disabled, house husband, time-killing. I don't feel comfortable with any of these really. Maybe I should call myself a blogger - but then I'd be one of a zillion dingle berries writing like this. I never have Twittered but I do have a Facebook account and I'm just not that into it. I do get a stray comment on my blog but not always in the comment section. I may get a phone call now and then OR an aol/gmail e mail. I've had some good feedback and some fair criticism. I have tried to keep my blog entries reader-friendly for those (like me) who have limited attention spans. I cringe when I see a 12-paragraph e mail..It's like reading a 5,000 word review in the Sunday Times.. I always feel guilty when I give up and blame it on blurry vision.

So it IS a new year and I am more likely to be house-bound while killing time and that is far less entertaining in winter. I am a bit of a nut and focus in on stupid things like house noises when it's 9 degrees outside. The walls creak, the boiler kicks, the wind howls and sometimes the power goes out. On New Year's day we had a refrigerator leak that hit our kitchen and seeped into the downstairs. Luckily we avoided real damage and just need a new ice maker. This will make about $600 spent on this piece of shit GE product.

So as we see each day getting colder and more slippery we are now thinking of moving south. Winter is now becoming more than an inconvenience. It's adding to my hermit status - which I don't need and now with football almost over there's nothing entertaining except for reality TV shows... You have Idol, Top Chefs, Iron Chefs, Survivor, Amazing Race, Project Runway, Dancing with stars, Dancing with non stars, people with 16 kids, people with 8 kids, dwarfs, dwarfs who make candy, mermaid babies, kids with giant heads, the 450 lb virgin (how odd)...God, get me outta this friggin coldness.