Walk THIS way, doofus

You'd think that there would be plenty of parking and low crowds at most places during the weekdays. That may be true for Home Depot but NOT for medical offices. As I continue my time killing quest to get things done while I can, I notice that you have to factor in 5-10 minutes at these medical offices to find a parking space. I've been going to a certain medical "group" and they are all located in office parks, medical complexes, hospitals and now campuses!! I've gotten pretty damn good at deciphering lobby directories (a small victory for me)..

So the latest in my quest to be physically improved was to see if I could fix some problems I have with my legendary bad feet. Naturally, that means a Podiatrist. I was imagining all these warnings and threats of surgery to correct a couple of bent toes but it was just the opposite which relieved me and concerned me. Surgery, right now, is not an option so he prescribed some orthotics (shoe inserts). There was a sign in the waiting room that stated "orthotics are not reimbursed by most insurance". Lucky me. I asked some specific question as to how I could reduce my constant discomfort and the doc gave me some instructions on How TO Walk.. mmm, I thought I had that aced in 1951 Brooklyn, NY. (thanks, mom) Apparently not as I am not coming down properly on my heel. So I have to make a conscious effort to take each step correctly. I already walk like a doofus so now I will walk like a doofus learning to line dance....Yeeehaaaa

My Oh My, MRI

When does 45 minutes feel like 2 days?? When you're stuffed into an MRI tube from head to toe, nose almost touching the top, shoulders barely fitting, IV in the arm, headphones playing Beatles music and constant instructions not to move and hold your breath. When I scheduled this appointment I didn't even ask if it was an "open" MRI as I thought all were.. THIS was like being a torpedo in a WWII submarine except there was no "Fire ONE"... The woman patient before me bailed out and couldn't finish her torpedo duty --- I saw her storm out of the reception area and hoped I wasn't going to wimp out.. The tech later told me she hit the panic button.. "There's a freakin PANIC button?"

I've had both types of MRIs (0pen and closed) and the open is much better, however, this one which focused on the abdomen required me to hold my breath. No wonder the lady stormed out. I was hoping that this was a one-shot deal but I counted at least 12 episodes of "hold, hold, hold" - each about 20 seconds long which just had to damage some brain cells. By the way, the Beatle music wasn't comforting as it kept getting interrupted with the torturous directions. All those great Beatle songs' lyrics had new meanings as I struggled to maintain my composure. Not one song played in its entirety which of course distracted me. Now, I did get through this and got a very high grade from the tech who obviously was comparing me to his earlier crazy lady. I was going to ask if he saw anything I should be concerned about but I knew better since I knew he couldn't comment plus he probably learned his trade at Apex Tech. So I just waited the usual 8 days for a call - all is fine but I have no career opportunites as a torpedo.

Heart of Darkness?

Experienced a new way to kill some time tonight..One quirk about living where I do is that we seem to lose power easily. Easily as in a robin lands on the wire?? Not sure but there are more power generators per household than anywhere else on earth. How do I know? I'm guessing but when you lose power as we did tonight for four hours, the neighborhood sounded like a test sight for Briggs and Straton engines..I never got a generator and I wish I had since I conservatively estimate we've lost our power the last 20 years at least 75 times. I think our previous home on Long Island we lost our power once in ten years and that was during a category 5 hurricane.. NOT that I want to move back to Long Island..

In a dark house (not so awful), all alone (not so bad), a little chilly (no big deal), no way to cook (who cares?), No Tv (ok, getting serious now), No internet, (moan) No Water!!! (Sounds trivial? try not flushing)..

Swine flu - que lastima

As I start out another day of time killing and semi-retired activities I was half watching the TV (People's Court) when there was a "breaking news" alert.. That always gets my attention in this area as you always expect some airline-related event. Not today, however, as the People's Court was cut short with news of a NYC teacher swine flu death. Some poor guy in his 50s who may have had a pre-existing condition which they would not disclose during the press conference with NYC Mayor Bloomberg. The highlight of this was the Mayor's repeating his opening statement in Spanish. It was like an SNL skit listening to his pronunciation. It was like something on Weekend Update. This guy needs Berlitz.

Monument park

Continuing to go to my scheduled softball games - usually 1 or 2 per week. Mother nature has sent a few not-so-subtle messages to limit my participation and that's been a tough adjustment. Running has been my major issue but there are a few others sneaking in. YET, I really like playing and participating I just have to do it from the coach's box with a clipboard - at least I'm part of it and not catching a line drive with my mouth.

Last night was a defining moment in our team. I've been on this team for 20 years and the 5 other guys who started up this team were all standing at the bench while our sons and younger members were on the field kicking the crap out of a fairly decent team and for some reason I felt "this is the way it should be"... The 6 of us standing shoulder to shoulder were aptly described as "monument park".. I can accept that..it's better than the Golden Girls...

Green thumb?

I haven't been feeling too bloggy lately.. Nothing too amusing, however, I did get involved in some new time killing activity. I always thought I'd "putter" around the yard if I was retired. So far, this puttering is equal to looking out the window after the lawn service finished their job. Ahhhh, a fine feeling of accomplishment. It takes 6 guys about 12 minutes which historically has taken me 90 minutes on my own. It's very efficient..

Today I did decide to do some extracurricular yard work. Detail work that the lawn service doesn't deal with.. shrubs, weeds, tree trimming. I alloted what I thought was a fair amount of my precious time - 2.5 hours. I threw in a garage clean up which brought it to more than 3 hours and at the end of that I felt ------ pooped...(I wonder why?) I thought IF that was my regular job I'd be in big trouble... Unless I was 30 years younger...

About 30 years ago I was working in our first quaint starter home yard. I did everything including tree trimming. Once while my mother was visiting I decided to climb a tree in our front yard equipped with a bow saw to get rid of some branches. Needless to say, I learned my lesson that this is dangerous business. I started sawing away at a medium size branch when it snapped and kicked back and hit me in the face. I was lucky (I guess) as it put a hole in my cheek. My mother and wife were at the rescue with the cotton balls and peroxide. The best part is the get-well card from my good friend Don who captured the moment perfectly with his unique style of illustration. That image of the branch implanted into my cheek reminds me to stay within my yard-working comfort zone (on the deck with a vodka tonic)..

Sports talk

I have to admit with my new found time I have been listening to a fair amount of radio and TV sports talk.. I'm not a fanatic but I do have a strong attachment to baseball. And if you're in NY you get wall-to-wall baseball talk especially if there are issues to complain about. For instance, the Yankees losing their first five games to their arch rival Boston Red Sox..I hated to see these losses but in a crazy way it's been entertaining.. It provides endless fodder for the radio and TV pundits. They are ALL very critical and for some reason all-knowing all the time..

I always wonder how the comments will be the day after a bad game.. Last night the Tampa Rays beat the Yankees in a monsoon and 90 percent of all sports talk was about this. (Forget that there's an exciting NBA championship taking place)..It was close and perhaps some different management decisions would have made the difference..Here's my point - how do all these pundits and callers become Kreskin?.. Granted they can have their opinions but they make their points sound like something other than guesswork.. That's all it is.

Some of the callers are really misguided but one thing I have noticed is there are quite a few broadcasters with speech impediments... It's the Tom Brokaw syndrome..